Timmy Fielding, author of Silent Victim: Growing up in a Child Porn Ring &Untold Stories: How I Survived a Child Porn Ring Timmy Fielding
I was severely abused as a child. However, when I got older, I left that old life looking for a new one. In the summer of 1993, I was working at a home for abused children. As a child, I suffered through a lot and I wanted to help other kids. I wanted to give other children the help that I had never got. I worked close with child psychologists and counselors. One day we were talking about a young boy, who had a very heart breaking story. He was so small and helpless. He had been severely abused and beaten. They needed him to tell his story and testify so the authorities could arrest his abusers. In this long heart-felt process, I was speaking with this little boy who was crying and was scared, I couldn't help but to cry with him. He asked me if I thought he should come forward. He had told me that he was scared they would come looking for him and get retribution. They threatened to kill this helpless child if he ever tried to expose them.
It was impossible for me to advise this little boy. I would be telling him to do something I never had the guts to do for myself. I spent the next few days crying and struggling with myself. Where was I going to get the guts to come forward and face my abusers so they could get the justice they deserved. Iwas just like this little boy and I was still terrified of my abusers.
I took a few days off to think about this. I did not eat and I hated myself for being such a coward. I should have went forward a long time ago. After making that decision, I called a friend who would be impacted by my decision. He was one of the boys that was abused by the same men. We had continued our friendship long after the abuse had stopped.
He didn't feel I had the right to make that decision on my own. He said he had put all that crap behind him a long time ago and had a brand new life with a new family and if I went forward with this, it would destroy his new life. I explained how the past was killing me, how i couldn't sleep and how it was killing every relationship I tried to have.
He asked me to take time to think about it, to see if we could get on the same page. I told him of course I would. He told me he loved me and would call me next week. Like I said we were really close friends and shared a lot of secrets of past abuse. I hung up the phone and had another sleepless night thinking of my friend. I came to the conclusion, he was right I couldn't do that to him without his permission.
I spent the next few days waiting for his call. I pretty much did the same thing almost every night. After work, I went up to the head office away from all the other buildings. I rounded a dark corner and I noticed the light bulb had been broken out. Red flags went up fast. By the time I saw them it was too late, a gang of men stood in my path, one behind me had already swung his bat. Before I passed out I realized I was being beaten with bats and it felt like I was being torn apart. I woke up naked but not alone. They wanted me to see what they had done to me, and I guess to see the expression on my face as they killed me.
But I didn't die. I woke up in my own blood crying and praying to God to let me die as I passed out again. I didn't like the fact at the time I had not died. I was in an hospital going into emergency surgery with cops asking me if I knew who had done this to me. Before I could answer I passed out again. After a grueling 9 hour surgery, I woke up to pain and problems I couldn't believe or even imagine,yet again I didn't wake up alone. A man from my childhood abuse telling me,"I'm glad you're not dead! Do I have your attention?" I nodded my head I could not speak I had tubes in my nose and an oxgen mask on my face. "Tim I swear to God I will kill everyone you love if you tell anyone. Do you understand me!" Again I nodded as he left. I wanted to die right there. I didnt understand just a few days ago, I was a bodybuilder, a black belt with a body that looked as if it was chiseled out of concrete. I was so abused as a chilI worked out like crazy and took karate and was even teaching it. All because I was still scared and wanted to ensure my safety.
Now I'm in a hospital with my guts sticking out still praying to die rather than answer anyones questions and when they were asked I lied, saying I didn't see a thing and couldn't remember. With as many hits that I took to the head everyone belived me. In the next two years to come, I had to have seven more surgeries, almost dying three times. As soon as my body allowed, I got the hell out of my hometown.
There was a young lady who stuck with me through my surgeries and I married her. Even though we couldn't have kids, we opened our home and fostered 33 kids. This brought on many new and exciting challenges that helped me to suppress my own abuse as a child and to help young children prosper into healthy adults.
In 2002, our eyes were opened to something new. A newborn not quite one year old was placed in my home. Having been born with many health problems, he required a lot of special attention. Again in 2003, another little boy with speech problems was placed in our care. This little boy was almost three and refused to talk right. The mental scars from being abused at such a young age caused him to act this way. With a little work and lots of love, we helped him unlock his very extensive vocabulary.After a few years we decided the best thing for the boys would be to adopt them and give them the stable life and love they deserved. Little did we know that in 2007, another newborn would come into our lives who also needed special attention. And once again, the best thing to do was to adopt him.
I consider each of these children one of my own. The foster children I take in may have mothers and fathers but I have gotten to know these boys and girls, and we have seen each other in every light. I can not help but to love them like they were my own. I would do anything to help them grow in life, to become the men and women they were created to be.
After seeing all of the pain my kids go through, my wife wanted me to tell my story. I started to write, giving her notes that I had writen and stories that no one could read or understand but she had a way with me and could understand me like no other. In my two great memoirs SILENT VICTIM and UNTOLD STORIES she played a critical role in helping me get my thoughts to paper. I hope by telling my story, more kids can be saved from the evil clutches of child abuse. My books tell the story of how I over came the struggles I faced while being in one of the worst forms of child abuse: porn rings. There are sick minded individuals who decide its fun to "own" little boys or girls. They treat them as property that is there for their pleasure. I am currently working on the third book in my series which focuses more on my ages eleven and twelve.
I hope my books open up society's eyes on child abuse. We don't only have to worry about our little girls. The hidden truth is we must worry about our boys. 1 out of 5 boys are molested. They are being raped by teachers, coaches, Boy Scout leaders, and even men of the cloth. Kids are even raping and molesting each other. You may ask yourself why?
Because we as a society have ignored it. Years ago a dad could molest his son and if he got caught would only get a slap on the wrist. We as a society must do better to write and enact laws to put these criminals behind bars where they belong. This not only applies to sexual abuse but to mental and physical abuse. Our children are the future they should be treated as such. Children are like diamonds, you would never throw one away or leave it looking tarnished. You would clean it, hold it,and protect it. We as adults have the responsibilty to protect the FUTURE....
Born: April 1964
Graduated from high school in: Califonia
Married: October 1995
Divorced: July 2012
Became a foster parent: March 1997
Started writing: September 2008
Published Silent Victim, in 2012
Published Untold Stories, in 2013
My publishers printed my books in the wrong order Silent Victim is the first in the series. For the ones that have read Untold Stories, please buy and read Silent Victim so that maybe it will help you understand a little better. Trust me if you read Silent Victim first, it will make more sense.
Here's a song written by Jason Michael Carroll it's called Alyssa Lies be carefull it'll make you cry...